It's true and I can scarcely believe it. 2010 has finally come and so in less than 3 months time, I will reach my 50th birthday. This is a milestone, no doubt about it, and I want to make the effort to do it well. I have been so haphazard about so much of my life, letting too much of it happen to me, reacting rather than responding, passively watching too many days, weeks, months and years trickle away. Well, now it is time to become more intentional about living again, and to hold myself accountable to this goal, I am going to share the process with you, dear reader. Let me hear from you occasionally, and feel free to gently encourage me to move forward and not dwell too much in the past. But please be gentle.
I intend to do some backward looking -- time to remember and celebrate, to reflect and grow. I intend to make the effort to take stock of what I have accomplished thus far in life, and with God's help, determine whether any of it is of lasting value, and then do better to invest myself in things of eternal worth. During this year, I hope to arrange several celebrations of life, with special friends, and I will share those with you. I also intend to set some goals for growth, not the least of which is the daily commitment to write this blog about turning 50.
I don't know how long I shall continue to write about the process, but since I am beginning some 75 days before my birthday, I shall probably continue to record the change process for at least that long afterward. That will see me through Lent, Easter, and Pentecost, which might just be a good outline for this momentous time in life.
Do I think that my experience of Turning Fifty is more important than anyone else's, or that I have any particular insight that will shatter the world? No, not at all, but I do want to do this well, and set a course for the second half of my life (well, sure, it's already begun, but better late than never) which will take me to the end in victory.
Yes, I am going to make some resolutions, and some of them will be the same old tired ones I've been making for 25 years or more, but if I don't try again, then I will just percolate in the same juices until I am thick and no good, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I shall try to share those resolutions with you, and my progress in them, as I undertake to make the changes. If I fail to record my progress, let me know! Again, accountability and encouragement are part of the method of my madness.
About 20 years ago, my then elderly friend Eleanor told me about another aging woman she knew who lived alone. This woman knew that she was losing some physical and mental acuity, but had no family nearby to help her make changes that might keep her safe. So, she spoke to the postman and the beat-cop, both of whom were good friends, and asked them to follow her in their automobiles from time-to-time, when they saw her out and about in her car. If they noticed that she was making poor decisions or reacting slowly and felt that the time had come for her to give up her auto-mobility, they were invited to speak directly to her. She wanted their input and recognized that she would not always be able to see her own needs and limitations clearly.
So, I am inviting you to do the same, not only in this post, but in the years to come as we both grow older. As I said, please be gentle. "A bruised reed he will not break." I want to grow, not just be reminded of how far I have yet to go, or of how poorly I have yet done.
And I don't intend for this exercise to be a belly-gazing, myopic, self-absorbed meditation on me. The whole point is to learn to live well, to live better, and that means to learn to live a more other-focused life. I want to learn to love more freely, forgive more readily, and laugh more heartily. Join me! We just might have fun!
About Me
- Lee Ann
- I am a single sojourner with one adopted son. God has blessed my life with unparalleled adventure and abundance, particularly in human resources. I count it my privilege to be a "tramp for the Lord"
4 comments:
I'm joining you girlfriend! Looking forward to your updates & progress! Accountability in this way could be fun! Keep writing! :)
Love you!
Ang
Dear Lee Ann, I saw your Facebook post re your Turning Fifty challenge, and have taken a look at your blog.
Yesterday, I had a conversation (well it was more of a hissy fit on my behalf, and a calm conversation from my husband, Steve) about how I felt our life was passing us by, with no discernment between one weekday and the next, or one weekend and the next. I wanted to homeschool the children, have more spontaneity, eek every last bit of living out of each day, and I couldn't see doing this while I am working two jobs, the kids are in an organized school setting from 7:30am-3:15, and we have bills to pay on a large house. Well, we came up with a plan that will take 1.5 years to implement, but some of these changes are in our future. Having a goal has given me calmness.
So, that is the background. The purpose of this message is to say this: I admire your intentionality. I look forward to the journey with you. It reminds me how important it is to take that moment to have an "in-breath" as I call it, to think, ponder, be free in our minds, yet be focused at the same time. And to do this with a frequency that helps us take forward steps through a path of enlightenment.
Lee Ann, I also wanted to say that I really connect to many of your blog postings. I went back and read the ones from 2009. I also connect with your FB postings. You may or may not know this, but I have been an atheist since I was 9 years old (much to my mother's chagrine, and in fact, she still refuses to believe I am not a Christian). I am comfortable in my atheism, but it is a difficult place to "be" in the South. I often get a little annoyed when I see so many Bible verses posted in various friend's FB pages, or they freely offer them at the grocery store or elsewhere. It feels "presumptive" to me. Then I think to myself, "Patti, take from it what you can, a little, a lot, or nothing, but give that person the space and freedom to pursue their faith just as you wish it for yourself."
That being said, I really enjoy YOUR manner of drawing on your personal faith, and then sharing your message. It has a nice balance to it, and in it, I can see underpinnings of Buddhism (which I lean toward), as well as versions of some other philosophers whom I admire, such as Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung. While I know that you are solely drawing from the Bible and Jesus Christ, there are so many common and central messages to be found in various religions and spiritual paths. The commonalities bind us; the differences are what tear us apart if we allow them. I hope this doesn't offend you, since what I am trying to say is that I feel that I can learn from people of all faiths, and it is not necessary for me to convince others of my personal spirituality, just that we share our commonalities, and enjoy our differences, for it is those differences that make this world interesting, varied, and gives life its texture.
So, my friend, I am thankful for your challenge you have placed before yourself, and appreciate you implementing it in a way that others can journey with you.
I look forward to a dialogue with you.
Love,
Patti Peeples Gustafson
Patti and Angie, thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. I have found blogging to be a pretty public way to journal, and while I'm sure that affects how completely transparent I choose to be (or not), I think it also adds a measure of accountability.
Angie, you are as always, a breath of fresh air and one of those who is wind beneath my wings. Thank you, friend. I had a message from one of your Bible study friends today -- the circle is ever-wider.
And, Patti, thank you so much for your refreshing honesty. I welcome the opportunity to have a thoroughly honest conversation with an atheist - with Buddhist leanings - you make me smile. Perhaps we can learn from each other and shatter some of the delusions we both possess.
Thanks for joining me in the journey, gals!
Lee Ann, about your resolutions. I've come to believe that you haven't failed until you stop trying. I have to hang on to that.
Don and I realized that our lives were stale and so we made some changes this year. We're traveling more. We had a long week-end in Las Vegas on Halloween week-end. It was a late 30th wedding anniversary gift to ourselves. We didn't gamble, but used it as a base for all of the things that we wanted to do. We went to Red Rock Canyon, the Hoover Dam, we went to see Jersey Boys (which was amazing) and the Grand Canyon. I even screwed up the courage to take a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon. It was amazing.
We went to Mississippi (Vicksburg)for Christmas for the first time in 30 years. That was a big step. My dad died 16 years ago, so it was a bittersweet trip, but we had an amazing time with my step mother and my brothers and all of my cousins. There was a lot of time for reflection.
Next is a trip to the Outer Banks with our daughter and son-in-law and several friends for Easter. We've never done stuff like this. and I love it.
I also have been working with the senior high youth group which is a step out of my comfort zone. I love them and realize that they are faced with the same things that our generation was faced with. I love high school kids. God is good and I thank Him for giving me this opportunity to hopefully make a difference in someone's life.
Love ya,
Kim Williams Jacobson
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